I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize