Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
