did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
