i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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