I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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