Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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