Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
