I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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