is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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