Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You pole danced in your parka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
