What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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