it was like eating out sand paper
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize