Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
