The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
