I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize