Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
