you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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