you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize