So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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