im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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