FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
