I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
