just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
