The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This is the high leading the old right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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