got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
