She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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