We won't sleep together?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
