Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so let's talk penis.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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