There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
