You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
