so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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