we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
