Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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