Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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