one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize