Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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