May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
