just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
