Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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