I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize