I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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