I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize