Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
