Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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