Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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