My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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