People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
