I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
