Whod you bang
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
