I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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