Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
