after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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