I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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