lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
