I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My feet surprised me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize