Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
