I want to walk on stilts...naked
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
being pregnant is like rehab
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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