My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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