So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
