can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
