which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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