I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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