There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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