oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
