I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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