if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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