it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
