My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
