maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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