I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I will pee on everything he values.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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