Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
