I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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