pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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