Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
