My sheets look like a crime scene.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
