You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
