Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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