This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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