i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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