we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
