Dual....:-)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
