2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
