I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
