so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
