If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
