Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
