I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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