And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
