Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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