Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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