I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Operation Purity has been aborted
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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