Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A bitchslap is in order.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
