i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
