Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
