Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
