Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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